• Local
Sheriff urges residents to stay off of roads because South Carolina drivers "are the worst"
"The roads were not safe before the storm, they were not safe during the storm, and brother, they will not be safe after the storm"
Archive
All 19 stories from The Upstate Owl
• Politics
Trump cancels Greenland invasion after learning the dog sled teams are "absolute Bad*** Motherf***ers"
Pentagon briefing reveals Sirius Patrol members undergo Navy SEAL training, NASA psychological conditioning
• Local
Local Man Confident 7-6 Clemson Would "Absolutely Destroy" Undefeated National Champion Indiana
Simpsonville resident cites "quality losses" and "eye test" as evidence Tigers are clearly superior to 16-0 Hoosiers
• Politics
BREAKING: Trump Accidentally Purchases Iceland Instead of Greenland
Greenland, Iceland, And Denmark In Awkward Turmoil As Trump Insists He “Was Always Negotiating For Both”
Greenville Man's First Thought Upon Hearing Maduro Captured: 'Wonder What This'll Do To Gas Prices'
Local resident admits he "couldn't find Venezuela on a map" but remains deeply concerned about potential impact at the pump
• Local
Bama Dan Now Discussing 'Next Season' As If Playoff Never Happened
Man who sent 47 bracket screenshots has not acknowledged any of the 47 score screenshots sent to him
• Local
Local Alabama Fan Reminds Clemson Friends For 47th Time That Bama Is In Playoffs
"Just wanted to make sure y'all saw the bracket," says man who has sent bracket 46 previous times
• Culture
Area Dad Insists Roman Candle 'Supposed To Do That' After It Fires Sideways Into Neighbor's Yard
Neighbor's lawn flamingo did not survive
• Food & Drink
Local Restaurant Closes After 14 Years; Replacement Restaurant Already Closed
Third concept reportedly 'in talks' with landlord, expected to fail by Valentine's Day
• Culture
Unity Park Facebook Group Descends Into Civil War After Loose Dog Post
Thread reaches 847 comments before admin locks discussion, annual Paws in the Park event now in jeopardy
• Politics
Nick Shirley Sent A Cameraman To Investigate Greenville Daycares After The Minnesota Fraud.
They found something else.
• Local
Simpsonville Man Who Has Never Played Football Confident He Could Have Saved Clemson
"This is what happens when you don't have a real program," says Alabama fan for 47th time this season
• Local
Masked Vigilante 'Hero 119' Exploits Loophole In Greenville's Anti-Lying-Down Ordinance
Mysterious figure naps on public benches for exactly 119 minutes before calmly relocating
• Culture
Notorious Greenville Facebook Troll Receives Literal Coal In Stocking
Man who called everyone 'sheep' for 4 years confused by gift
• Sports
Alabama Fan With No Coaching Experience Offers To Fix Clemson Football
Bama Dan says his "outside perspective" is exactly what the Tigers need after 7-5 season