The Greenville Drive baseball team has declared their 2025 season a complete success after every single opposing team mysteriously failed to arrive for scheduled games.

"We're not sure what happened," said team manager Rick Patterson, surrounded by 82 "W" flags. "But a win is a win, and we've got 82 of them."

League officials are investigating whether the Drive's new stadium policy requiring all visitors to first complete an escape room might be related to the forfeitures.

"The escape room is themed around Greenville history," explained stadium operations director Janet Mills. "Teams have 4 hours to solve it before game time. So far, no one has escaped."

The Drive will celebrate their undefeated season with a parade down Main Street, though they acknowledge attendance may be low since no one can figure out how to exit the parking garage.